Dear Comedy CentralThe Free Stewart and Colbert Movement! Dear Comedy Central Executives, The time is coming. Actually, the time long since came but lots of folks in the Entertainment industry just aren't aware of it, yet. Anyways, here we are, inviting you to let Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert be amongst the first to bring television well and fully into the new millenium. This $1.99 stuff on iTunes has got to stop. Put both shows on the Internet. Every day. FOR FREE No, we're serious. Stop laughing. The Internet wants to watch. Actually, the Internet is already watching. As you've probably already noticed, the funnier bits of the Daily Show and the Colbert Report rapidly make it to YouTube or Google Video, where they get hundreds of thousands of hits. We're watching you and we think you're funny. Also, we've checked your credit record, hacked into your bank accounts, e-mail, and your children's school grades. So, listen up. It might be worth explaining who "we" are. We're computer geeks. No, not the losers who fix your PC at BestBuy. Sheesh. We're the pimply faced dudes in the basement of the computer center that spent our evenings in college playing Nethack, learning Lisp and C++, and reading game theory books. Some of us have been around forever and some of us are new, but we're out there and we want to be customers. We run the BitTorrent and the TOR servers. We write the software that shares the illicit music and video around the globe. We write the web servers that keep the Internet trucking. We hack the Linux kernel. We code, we write, we watch. We're the ubergeeks. And, we think your shows are funny. Now, we know what you're thinking. "These guys are making bank, why can't they watch us on cable like the rest of the unwashed?" Of course, lots of us do have digital cable with 42" high-def LCD TVs (HDMI, of course) and TiVo boxes running hacked versions of the Linux kernel. But, there are a bunch of us who don't have anything but a Netflix subscription and a queue packed full of kung-fu flicks and the occassional Matthew Broderick film (old time's sake, ya know). It's not because we don't want high-def movies with surround sound that'll make your ears bleed and send your beta-waves frolicking through.... actually. We don't want it. We could all afford it, we have good jobs. We probably make more than you guys do. But, we don't subscribe to cable or satellite. And, we don't because we're angry. Angry and bored. Angry, bored, and ruthlessly efficient. Angry, bored, ruthlessly efficient, and with a fanatical devotion to the Internet. We're angry with the RIAA and the MPAA and the entire entertainment industry in general. We're angry that good musicians get ripped off after making millions for the "major labels." We're angry they end up penniless and alone (with no health care) while rich music moguls live in huge mansions in L.A. and bribe Sting and Metallica into lying to Congress for them. We're angry that the movie and television industries are continuously trying to find ways to make more and more money by selling us lower quality programs. Reality television? Seriously. We have to pay for this crap? The only reality is what a rip-off it is paying $69 a month to watch "Survivor, Sorbibor" re-runs every night. And, they don't even have Rutger Hauer. That would be cool, though. I'd pay $69 to watch Rutger Hauer beat an accountant from Cleveland to death with a stick. But, only if the accountant worked for a movie studio or a record label. Otherwise, I'd just be worried how much he's contributing to the cost of health care in our country. And, only if the violence we so believably real that Hillary Clinton and Tipper Gore would found a commission to investigate it. See how complicated this stuff is? Anyway, we've bailed out. We're off the reservation. We're taking our movement underground. We're creating our own creepy, geek videos. We're watching creepy teen videos filmed by wannabee movie moguls and we're outing them because we know more about digital video production than they do. We've gone off the deep-end and are following our own fashions and trends and we're having a blast in our self-created McLuhanite hinterland, the Internet. But, gosh. We think that Jon Stewart is really funny. And, that Colbert guy isn't bad, either. And, we think they might actually fit in here in a big way. Here's what we're offering. We'll watch your show every day. If you put it on-line at a reasonable price. As an MPEG video that we can save and watch later in case we're on vacation. Not some Microsoft or Apple proprietary crap. If you do that, we're just going to have to hack it up to turn it into MPEG anyways, which means we'll have to distribute it on our own site-- without the commercials. But, put it on-line as a video we can watch and we promise we'll download the commercials. We might watch them, cause we think you guys are cool and we'd like you to be in business after the revolution comes and the cable companies are all up against the wall. Seriously, you guys are the only ones we trust anymore. Not that we think you're telling the truth all the time. Just that when you guys lie to us, you don't pretend to be singing the gospel of Jesus-fucking-Christ like Fox News does. Plus, like we said, you're funny. And, funny goes a long way on the Internet. I mean, we invented the flame war here, m'kay? Let me be specific about what "reasonable price" means. $1.99 per episode is not reasonable. If I watch 2 hours of television each night, at that price I'm spending $120 a month. We write alot of our own software and offer it to the world for free. You, Apple, lots of folks are using it. We know you are and it's okay. We know you're part of the huge Viacom empire, blah blah, whatever. We're willing to pay something. But, something reasonable like $2 or $3 a month for all the episodes. Surely that's more than you're getting from the cable companies. I mean, if I get 300 channels from cable at $69, that's only $0.23 to you per subscriber. Somehow, I'm guessing Comedy Central gets somewhat less than that. Anyhow, think about it. We'll be here. Hanging out. Wishing you were here. CommentsAll Great! <a href=" Visit Us! <a href=" <a href=" If you don't wish to receive such messages, please send your domain name to jj([at])dedikdotbiz to remove your site from our list. 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